title: Perfection.
date: Saturday, March 02, 2013
Yesterday, was a perfect ending to 2 beautiful years of my life in SAJC.
I am raised in a family that judges people based on academic results. Because I was doing well in primary school, my parents always liked to show off to other family members saying how 'smart' I was, but it could also be because my relatives are doing the same. -__- My cousins were in raffles/hwachong/RV that kind of elite schools and hence it resulted in this. It never stopped although I ended up in NH in sec sch and was not as 'smart' as them. Since I grew up this way, although my friends and colleagues have been telling me that there are other important things besides academics, I have been stuck with that mindset and heavily weighted my grades. Its as if I could not excel in anything else but studying.
Hence ever since two years ago, there's this thought that has been occasionally surfacing in my head every now and then. "Why did I come to SAJC? Did I make the right choice in my application?" In sec 4, I was still judging academic performances of schools by their COPs and while it may be true to some extent, there are always exceptions. After I entered SAJC, I've been hearing how many people were saying NYJC is academically better and such etc. and even had a living proof in which one of my SJAB seniors from class of 2010 scored straight As for A-levels and a B for GP from NYJC. On the other hand, another of my NH seniors in SA, also from class of 2010, scored Bs and Cs. It was then I really questioned if I really chose the right thing and was even considering appeal. I was worried that I will not be able to do well academically in this school. But because of the troublesome process, I decided to study hard myself and score well with my own abilities.
However, as time passes, I was horribly slacking away throughout my entire J1 life. Despite advice from seniors that we cannot slack in JC and how tough it is etc., I could not restrain myself and was hogged onto the computer every night after going home, not paying attention in lectures, not doing tutorials and such. Just right before promos in JC1, my grades were dangerously risky and I thought that since EOY had a much higher weightage, I could just easily scrape through EOY and get promoted.
I started studying a little for my EOYs, thinking it would be enough for me to pass everything. To my horror and slight relief, I got exactly 35 rank points for my promos which is the COP for promotion. I BARELY GOT MYSELF PROMOTED. I always thought that it is easy to be promoted, but then I realized it is even easier to get myself retained. Any worse, and I could say hi to another year of life in SAJC, not that I did not consider it. Hence, I ended my first year in school being one of the bottom in my class.
Then comes the holidays. I thought I could use it to revise and catch up with my peers so that I would not be one of the last again, but of course that never happened.
PW
My first A-level grades that I got was this stupid project subject. Since majority of people got B for it, once again I underestimated the efforts put in and kept thinking I can easily get a B. Hence I just did my work for the sake of doing it and meeting deadlines. What made things worse was that as the last minute when everyone is rushing to submit their WR, I had to be down with chicken pox and was unable to be in school. Maybe if I had worked harder earlier, it might not have been that much of a hinderance for me to get a B. And then I ended up getting a C, one of two Cs in my class and could do nothing but cry. The subject that most people had secured an A or a B, I could not even secure mine and I thought that was really the end for my A-levels. I had lost confidence in my other subjects as well.
The start of my JC2 life didn't kick off very well either. My grades were just slipping even worse as when I was in JC1. I only had 20+ rank points for the first exam of the year and my parents got called. Now it might already became an ordinary thing for several people but not for me since my parents rarely get calls from school or meet-the-teachers sessions in my entire 12 years of schooling. This is only around the 3rd/4th time. It was the first time I saw my grades having 20+ rank points (and also the last time). Half of me was nonchalant about it since it was the first time and many of my classmates got it too, but the other half of myself was worrying since they did so much better than me for promos and I would just lag behind even further.
Another thing was that although my math passed with a D, I wasn't happy with it. I was good in math all along and of course, I aimed high grades for math. Anything C and below for math is considered a fail for me. I was getting those grades for the first half of my year in JC2 and it couldn't even help to pull my rank points up already. As half of the year passed and I'm still getting only 35-39 rank points (which means I just passed), I really started worrying.
BT2s were then after the June holidays and then Prelims were next. I was left with only 2 exams to train myself and I had to cherish these chances. Its like I finally woke up to reality and realized what I needed to do. I spent practically all my June holidays in the library catching up with the syllabus and practicing. I worried even the tutorials that I did not do. Should I do the tutorials first then do the revision packages, but then I wouldn't have enough time etc. In the end, I just did whatever I felt like doing first as long as I did not waste time doing nothing.
What upsetted me the most in BT2 was math again. Although I finally managed to escape from U grades for the other subjects now (except econs which is an exception that I will explain later), my math dropped from a D to an E and was the second last in my class. Adding on to that is a teacher that mocks students with low grades. I really got my motivation then and studied really hard for math for Prelims. It was the first time I finished a revision package for an exam in the entire 2 years. Well of course I did study the other subjects too.
Only before Prelims was then I started arranging consultations with teachers. And it was also then I decided I really needed to do something with my econs. I got my tuition teacher to teach me the entire syllabus of econs from scratch, two years worth of H1 syllabus to be completed in about 2 months. I wondered if all the money spent was worth the value and what if I ended up....
Prelims has come as a great surprise for me as I really had not expected it. My practices for math really paid off as I became 4th in class for math with a B grade. No doubt I was happy. I could also feel that I have finally caught up with the syllabus got everything and also surprised myself at the duration I managed to do it. I did well in phy and chem too, being one of the better scorers in class. (I don't like to say this but actually, I did not study much for physics in Prelim. Oops.) Saying I'm just surprised is an understatement. For the first time, I'm seeing my rank points shot up to higher than 50 to a whooping 62. I even got the Edusave Good Progress Award from this. Aside from happiness, I was so relieved and feel like I finally have hope for As.
Here I would like to admit that I have became complacent for math. I did not touch the math revision package given to us for As and only when it was nearing the date that I did around 2 or 3 papers. I admitted it to my math teacher and even she said that I should have tried to secure my A. As much as I like to, I was really focusing on chem and physics and even econs and it was only until the last 2 weeks when I panicked for math because it has been almost a month since Prelims. I finished the entire revision package for chem and even bought a second one. I was even practicing econs FYS.
Yes, econs. Something in which I have gotten an A in for my first exam in JC1 and then U all the way until Prelims, and always below the 10th percentile. I studied econs for my Prelims and I was still getting a low U, not even close to S. I thought my tuition had prepared me well because I felt like it did but on the actual A-level econs paper, I did so horribly I was thinking of retaking it in another sitting. I felt like I totally flunked it and I am going to do so badly the highest I could get is a D.
Although everyone else is seeking consultations, I was too lazy to go to school and spammed my teachers on whatsapp with photos of questions I wanted to ask. Consultation from home FTW. I gradually managed to do the papers without being stuck and although I was still doubtful of myself, I felt prepared and wondered if I actually really am.
Then the big time comes. After every paper, everyone else was talking about how it was and I don't know why, I was just, chilled. Well only after GP paper Its like I had confidence but I don't want to be so complacent as it had happened in the past. I did not want to expect too much from myself either only to fall down hard. (I'm too lazy to elaborate more here)
I have been thinking of all the possible results I could get for my As and then where to go from those results. Whenever I start thinking of this, the first set of grades that comes to my mind is 3H2 As. I know this sounds like I'm acting so smarty pants and so full of myself, but its the truth since I do not deny the possibility of getting it. And then I was expecting like C, D for my H1s. And then there's the worst case scenario where I get BBB or BBC for H2s and D,E or E,E for H1s? Then I will go and study real estate. I have never imagined and do not want to imagine grades worse than that though because I have no idea what I will do if I get those either.
In my current workplace, I have a colleague who has taught me many insightful things. I realized that even if I might not do well, it is not the end of the world because it might be that there is another path that is far better that is meant for us. Who knows, it might make us realize our unfound talents. The night before the big day, I made up my mind that I would not cry no matter what results I get, because there will be new roads for me to discover myself.
And I broke my promise to myself, because after looking at my results yesterday, I was crying at the very next second.
To all the people who have looked down on me, underestimated me, mocked me, laughed at me, I would very much love to shove my results in your face if I get the chance to.
I PROUDLY DECLARE THAT I HAVE SCORED AAA/BB FOR A-LEVELS. :)
