title: maturity
date: Sunday, August 26, 2012
Lately I've been feeling so lousy towards all my friends.
I've always known that I'm a very bad friend but I have never wondered why and in what way I was wrong. I never did try to find out the root problem and change it.
But I've come to a realization today.
These few days I really felt that I have matured in some ways, though not entirely, but I've gotten a clearer picture of what I have been doing in the past. Consider this as a lesson learnt and I will try my best to ensure that such things will never happen again.
I have realized that everytime something happens in my life (in a negative way), ranging from the most insignificant things ever to things deemed as apocalypes, I will take out my frustrations on any of my friends available. Well friends as in friends that I am willing to share things to and not just any random friend that I have. There are quite a lot of people I can actually open up to and I wonder if this is a good or bad thing. Does this mean that I open up to people too easily or its good that I get close to people easily?
So whenever I need someone to rant to or cry to there will always be someone there for me. I guess my real friends are those who didn't mind me being like this and doesn't find me a burden on them, because I think I am becoming more and more of one. Despite all these years of ranting on them they are still by my side and I am extremely blessed to have friends like this.
However, I think I have become sort of a ninja when my friends need me. Not that I ignored them, but its that I am not good enough to help them in their situations except being physically by their side. I couldn't say comforting words unlike them because words that come out of my mouth never have positive impacts.
The main point is, I think I am being too burdensome on my friends and maybe bottling up my feelings isn't a bad thing after all. I should learn how to have more self-control in every aspect of myself, such as my feelings and actions. I need to use my brain more wisely and I really need to mature more. And stop throwing out everything on others because they do not deserve to be treated in such a way from me.
