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date: Wednesday, August 29, 2012
I didn't realize that Dad actually noticed so much about me.
I always thought that I have kept things well from my parents and that they are insensitive to my life outside of the family. Since young, I'm brought up in an environment that taught me that family is priority and my parents really practiced that. Maybe its because I do not have siblings close to me and I feel lonely that no one understood the feelings of a teenager, I always choose to tell everything to my friends and even counselors but not my parents. I thought my parents only cared about my studies and health and that's all, but not about my life and my feelings. But Dad really changed things today.
I have been feeling upset the past few days and for two nights, I've cooped up in my room to cry without them knowing and pretended nothing was wrong when I left my room for stuff like getting drinks and toilet breaks. Nothing was mentioned by them and I really thought I had hidden everything well, until this morning when I became upset again despite bring optimistic the night before.
When I was eating breakfast (although I didn't really want to since I have been losing my appetite but I had to put on an act in front of them), Dad suddenly came and sat beside me today and said that he noticed I have been unhappy these few days. Then he said that I shouldn't care about other people and what others say about me, and that he believes in me. Before that when I became upset, I was already about to cry but since my parents were leaving the house soon, I planned to at least control it until they left so I get the whole lonely house to myself. But the moment when he brought it up... tears immediately dropped. I turned away immediately but I'm not sure if he noticed my tears.
Then I realized how important my family was and that they were always by my side all the time without me knowing it. I hadn't been caring about them so much, in fact I was caring more for someone else who might not even care about me at all now. I realized that I shouldn't forsake the time I could have used to study on someone like that and instead, use it to study and repay my hopeful parents well. Other things could wait until I'm sure that my parents are happy.
That said, I'm willing to wait. Despite many people telling me how it is not worth it and all, I still keep the faith and belief that I have. I would be putting it aside for now, but that does not mean that I have given up. I will not give up and I will be optimistic about it. And it is going to stay that way, nothing is going to change. :)
