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title: go with the flow.

date: Saturday, May 21, 2011

I never had so many bad things happening all in one week.

Yes, I know that things don't go the way you want sometimes. But I think this is too much having to deal with so many blows at once. Its like I don't deserve happiness in my life. Once I'm happy, something has to come crashing down on me. And when I finally have something to cheer me up, it was taken away from me again.

Why does everyone want to make life hard for me? What have I done wrong before in my entire life that I have to suffer like shit? I hate people who judge me if they don't know me well. I believe I know myself best and no one can ever take this place. But I can't help but wish that someone could just appear soon and take over that place.

I suddenly feel that living in the US might be more suitable for me. I want a more open life, where everyone else is the same. Doesn't that make life much easier? And less problematic too for me. I can imagine how much my life will change if I adapt that lifestyle.

I hate the feeling of being alone when I need people the most. I wish I can be busy too. I need some motivation to study. If I can get myself busy, it would keep my mind off things and I will be glad to do so.

Maybe if I had chosen a different path, life would be different. I wonder, am I the only one suffering? Or are there others in the same situation as me? I really, really hate being alone, and the fear just increases as time goes by. Things must change, but how?

Go with the flow.

posted by jellybeanies @ 9:25 PM
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